Wednesday, July 09, 2008

The Names Have Been Changed To Protect The Innocent

When this little incident was shared with me by "Mary", I couldn't resist but get her okay to post. So here goes (with a little editing, just in case Mary's friend is reading).......................

We had visitors, a high school friend of Bob’s, and his wife. We haven’t seen them for over 20 years. Andy’s okay, even though he talks a lot, but his wife.....! She talks non-stop, primarily on three topics: medical, food, and their frequent trips to exotic places where they seem to have gained not much except frequent flyer miles to take more trips . She’s 5’3”, maybe 5’4” and weighs maybe 100 pounds. On Saturday, she had a reasonably large hotel breakfast. Then we had an early lunch. She had a large order of mussels in broth with butter and garlic bread, followed by a double ice cream cone. She bought a huge-shaped lollipop to eat on the road. Our next stop was a souvenir shop near a point of land with spectacular views. Forget the views. She walked in the door, bought a box of salt-water taffy (not a huge one, I grant you) and ate all but 4 pieces while walking around the shop. I had 2 pieces, her husband had 1, Bob had none. She consumed ALL the rest, but for 4 pieces – maybe a 12-15 in all. Then we had to stop downtown to make a reservation for dinner. While downtown, she insisted that we stop at a bakery where she bought and consumed a bar concoction with caramel, nuts, etc. Understand, while she was on this eating marathon, the three of us were pretty much bystanders, although Gary and I had small cups of ice cream after lunch and we did have a bit of taffy.

By 3:00 Bob & I were exhausted from all the talking (they tend to talk simultaneously so you can’t catch a break) and observing the ferocious eating, so we dropped them at their hotel and went home for naps. They went on to to a few other coastal towns, where I think she may have had another small snack. At 7:15, we had nice three-course dinners (their treat), including dessert. She literally asks the waiter which is biggest dessert and orders that. In this case, it was chocolate layer cake with ice cream.

By the time we got home, I was feeling stuffed and not so good. In the morning, I weighed 145.5 – my high for the week – and neither Bob nor I could face anything but melon and toast for breakfast. Gary & Michelle arrived around 11:15 on their way back to the city after another hearty hotel breakfast and we all walked up the hill to Dairy Queen where they had Blizzards for the road while Bob and I watched in utter astonishment.

They’re both skinny, he because he had to lose a lot of weight after a heart scare and she – I suppose – because of some insane metabolism. Michelle claims that they eat healthy all week – no fat; single, measured portions; no desserts – and then they eat what they want on the weekends and on their trips – he in moderation, she with no restraint whatsoever.

If I ate like that, I’d be soooooo sick. Too much rich food and I seem to spend half my time in the bathroom. I just don’t get it.

Rich's Comments: I'll bet the little witch thinks she's fat at times too! AARRGGHH!!!!


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